Get Out Of Your Head And Into Your Heart


I couldn’t get over it.  Something petty had happened at work.  I knew it wasn’t a big deal.  I knew I needed to let it roll off my back.  But it had just irritated me so much.

We drove East on I-40 back towards our house to silence.  Silence between my husband and I.  But it was anything but silent in my head.  

‘Seriously, just get over it.’

‘It’s not that big of a deal.’

‘The more you think about it and stew over it the more you let them win.’

‘And what are you going to do about it?  Not a damn thing because maybe they do suck and maybe that was a shitty thing for them to do, but having the last word and sticking it to them is not in line with who you are.’

‘Just turn the other cheek.’

‘Whatever, they can be that way if they want to and see how far it’ll gets them in life.’

Finally I broke the silence between my husband and with a loud tone that startled him in which I had likely subconsciously resorted to in order to speak over all the commotion inside my head.

‘I just can’t get over it and I feel so petty and so dumb that I can’t get over it!’  He had no clue as to what in the world I was talking about.  

When left work that morning, I told him the story but had downplayed it, making it sound like it wasn’t a big deal even though at the bottom of the matter, I was sad and hurt.  

That’s never a place I want to go, sadness, so instead I stay up in my head.

We all do to some degree, we get out of our hearts and up into our heads.  

We force these adult selves of ours to get over it and move on.  

We don’t let these adult selves feel or grieve that way that would have been natural for those little kids we once were to do.    

Instead we resort to anger, distractions and not-so-constructive behaviors

Anger isn’t pleasant but, to me, at least it means there's energy, an energy that keeps me from feeling helpless and stuck in being sad.

Sadness can seem like a deep dark pit, one that if you fall into it, you never get back out of.

‘Feel through it’ my therapist told me this past summer ‘feel through it and I think you’ll be surprised, you’ll come out on the other side, it won’t envelop you, you're not going to die.’

Her words have come back to me again and again.  Reminding me to lean in and feel through it.  

What I’ve found as I leaned in to feel the sadness, rather then resorting to anger, distractions and not-so-constructive behaviors is that the sadness won’t destroy you.  

Sadness won’t level you because you’re far more resilient than you think.  

What you might also find when you lean in and feel through it is someone who will be there with you.  

Someone to hold your hand, someone to give you a hug and say ‘yeah that totally sucks.’  

You might just be surprised.

  Get out of your head and into your heart.  Lean in, feel through it & find the connection.