Dreaming Takes Two: part 2

D1E329FE-EE74-45DF-A1CC-4CA3D84A3338.jpg

Last week I wrote about dreaming alongside your husband (even if he seems like a complete lunatic!) rather then being that wife that list all the logistical and financial reasons why it would never work.

It took everything in me to stick close to the point, that being the biggest cheerleader for your husband often times mean indulging in his wildest ideas and dreaming his crazy dreams alongside him rather than talking about practicality and being rational.

Trust me ladies, you are not alone if you thought ‘yeah well my husband . . .’ or ‘sometimes my husband doesn’t seem to understand that what he’s talking about it so far from reality that  . . .’  Yeah I know, me too.  I get you girl.

One of my dear friends recently got engaged and is already in the trenches of wedding planning since they’re planning on a short engagement.  As we were talking she said ‘sometimes I feel like my stress is more palpable than his excitement and that, to me, feels really important.’  She found the exact words to describe what I feel (and I’m guessing a lot of you do to) many days.

This may seem like a terrible thing to confess but often times I think, like my friend eluded to, that my stress is a bigger deal and it more important than his excitement over some wild idea or crazy dream.  Not only is that untrue but I’ve found it’s a pretty selfish way to see things in marriage.

I admit that I have acted from that belief many times and all it has served to do is breed misunderstandings, build resentment and drive us further apart.

My stress is not more important than his excitement and his excitement is not more important than my stress.

We’ve learned the delicate balance in marriage when you have a wild dreamer and hardcore realist where you dream the most outlandish dreams but refrain from taking out a second mortgage on your home to fund a business idea you had of in the shower this morning.

When I wrote last week about not immediately jumping into logistics and finances when your husband presents to you some wild idea, I laughed as I typed those words and thought about how much easier it is said than done.  Still, even after quite some time of practicing that strategy, it takes everything in me to keep my mouth shut about the logistics.

Inconsequently, what I’ve found is then when I shut up about the logistics and finances and jump on board entirely with his dream or crazy idea and we dream and laugh and bounce ideas off one another, HE takes the rational approach!

He ends up being the one who decides that an idea may indeed be a little too far fetched and that it in fact would be a terrible decision to put twenty grand into his business idea he had in the shower that morning.  Although I will give him credit, my husband has had some pretty great shower ideas that did indeed pan out.

When you dream with him and he feels like you’re on his team and he’s able to enter into the excitement of an idea or possibility, he will be so quick and so willing to listen to any fears, reservations or concerns you may have.

You will both end up feeling heard, feeling cared for, and feeling like the other is on your team.

It’s beautiful when relationship happens like that.  It takes work, it takes selflessness, it takes putting the other’s needs, their hopes, their dreams above your own.  But it’s so so good and it makes your love together that much richer.