Scrolling through my instagram feed and browsing pictures on Facebook will instantly leave me wondering ‘am I the only person whose marriage doesn’t consist of endless days of wedded bliss?!?’ Easily, I can jump to conclusions that end with me thinking ‘what in the world is wrong with me and what is wrong with us?!’
The fact of the matter is, no marriage consists of limitless moments where we stare deeply into one another’s eyes and feel madly in love.
We just don’t tend to post pictures of our sinks full of dirty dishes, our post-tiff annoyed expressions, and the stack of bills that’s waiting to be paid
So without further ado, here are a few down and dirty confessions, along with some truths, that make this crazy, wonderful, and challenging thing precisely so amazing.
Confession #1: Sometimes I try to make my life and marriage look perfect on Instagram when in reality, it is in shambles at times.
Truth #1: If you scroll through my Instagram feed you can probably deduce (just as I can by scrolling through yours) that my marriage and my life are not perfect. Although I may try desperately to portray otherwise through my pictures, reality is that my life and marriage are not perfect. There, I said it.
Confession #2: We really suck at communication. I would’ve said going into this thing that communication was one of our stronger points individually, but 1 + 1 didn’t exactly equal 2 in this case.
Truth #2: If each party is willing to engage and try to honestly articulate what they want and feel, it will cover a multitude of frustrations. Even if you disagree in the end, you will both walk away feeling like you’ve been heard.
Confession #3: I’m totally the scorekeeper in the relationship (and I think every relationship has one).
Truth #3: Letting go of the scorecard not only dramatically changes the relationship but, if you're the scorekeeper, it dramatically changes you. There’s a ‘never enough’ fear that we all live with at baseline. When we quit keeping score, that fear shrinks and allows space for grace to grow wildly.
Confession #4: I thought we would be able to collaborate more, to find solutions to roadblocks and problems we hit, but sometimes we can’t and so we compromise.
Truth #4: Sometimes you have to compromise. Sometimes it means you give and sometimes it means they give. I always hated compromising and saw it in a predominantly negative light. But compromise is not failing, it’s learning how to be married, how to work together, and love each other.
Confession #5: Sometimes I wonder if something is really wrong with us.
Truth #5: Something is really wrong with us; we’re sinners. Thankfully that’s not the end of the story. By grace, we are able to wake each morning to mercies new, find rest in a love that will not let us go, and ultimately know that it’s going to be ok.
I’d love to hear some of your confessions and truths that you have found in your unique journey.