Tapping through my Instagram stories a few weeks back, an enneagram type three divulged that she had recently taken a new enneagram test after several months of postponing it. She explained her reason for delaying it; she was so nervous she might end up testing as a type other than a type three which is what she identified as. I appreciated her honesty about her test taking anxiety because many of us who have become acquainted with the enneagram can relate. We can easily zero in on our enneagram type and we don’t want anyone or anything, especially not a different test, to challenge that.
Thinking back on this recently, it gave me pause. She is not the only one I’ve encountered over the years (myself included) who have experienced hesitancy about taking a new or different enneagram test or are scared to take an enneagram test in general.
So why are those of us who are professing enneagram lovers, growth minded individuals, afraid to take a test?
While the Enneagram has brought so many wonderful avenues to grow personally, professionally and spiritually, one of the biggest hurdles that has presented with its resurgence, ironically, is that it has confined so many people to their type.
That is what I believe lies at the bottom of this test taking anxiety we Enneagramers face.
A tool that is not meant to confine, constrict, or label us, we ironically have taken it and done just that with ourselves because we find some measure of comfort and safety in that identity.
It’s somewhat of a red flag to me when people are nervous to take a test because “they already know their type” and they “don't want to get conflicting results” because they “already took andI felt like it was right.” This tells me there is some fear in losing a piece of their identity found in being a certain type.
I’ve been there. I'm still guilty at times of placing too much emphasis on something that is merely a facet of who I am and making it part of my identity whether it's my work, relationships or enneagram type. If you’re really diving in and utilizing the enneagram to its fullest potential, it’s going to make you very uncomfortable and present painful moments for you to reckon with. Many of those challenging moments will be surrounding the identity you’ve created and the fortitude you have erected around your core self. But that’s also why we must hold even more loosely the enneagram type we identify with.
In one of my more recent seasons of counseling and intense personal work, my therapist who is highly trained and well versed in the enneagram asked me one session “have you ever explored the idea of being an enneagram type 4?” Laughing, I quickly dismissed the idea, “No, I’m definitely not a type 4” I said and shut the conversation down quickly. But she has intrigued me and I couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility of being a type 4. It seems totally bizarre, nothing about who I believed myself to be aligned with a type 4 but I deep dove into reading all about type 4’s listening to every podcast and interview by type fours. During our next session I brought it up and we explored it more together. The conclusion I finally arrived at was that I was indeed a type 8 and not a type 4 but that time of consideration and exploration gave me a new perspective on both types and has helped my understand my thoughts, feelings and behaviors, in an entirely new way that I couldn’t have possibly known without the willingness to explore the notion that I may be a different enneagram type then what I had identified with for the prior twelve years.
My biggest take away from that season and conversation with my therapist was that I had hinged a lot of who I was and how I was on being an enneagram type 8. It was a sobering realization when I began to see just how deeply ingrained into my identity that aspect of who I was had become.
That’s the blessing and the curse of the enneagram. It gives words to aspects of your human makeup that you never thought was possible to describe. And without caution and careful use, the enneagram becomes part of the identity you’ve found in everyone and everything else that you’ve sought so desperately to be freed from.
The enneagram isn’t some fun personality assessment with test questions to make you chuckle or to tell you which celebrity you’re most like, it’s not for the faint of heart but for those who are serious about doing their own personal work. That includes being willing to always explore new ideas, facets and types as they pertain to you instead of clinging to the safety of the type identity you may be holding to. If you’re nervous or hesitant to take an enneagram test, pay attention to why. Ask yourself;
What am I fearful of?
What if the results are not what I think they will be?
How will I utilize these test results?
Unearthing what lies beneath those questions is far more important than any test result you’ll get.
You are uniquely individually you and the depths and wonders and beauty of who you are cannot be reduced to an enneagram type. Don’t sell yourself short of the gifts you bring the world by hinging too much of your identity on an enneagram test result.